he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
