When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
