Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
