I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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