Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
All I want is dick and wine.
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