saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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