YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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