if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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