Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
