Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
