Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
