Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
