I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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