I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
