ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I CAN MOONWALK!
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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