Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Randomize
