I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
