My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
