i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
