I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
