dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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