Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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