There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
