my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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