Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
