Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
