I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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