My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
All the doctor said was why
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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