i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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