hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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