That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
