I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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