hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
