Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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