Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
