that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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