We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
