She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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