i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
