Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
