Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I currently don't understand fingers.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
