Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
she smelled like a LAN party
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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