therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
