don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
