I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
