It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
