Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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