I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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