You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
