peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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