i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
