I'm so fucking centered right now
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
