Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
kristin has been a bad kristin
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
