yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
