She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
