Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
