The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
