I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
