I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
