does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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