If that was your dad, he is hot
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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