Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
