Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
