goodnight i made you a song goodbye
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
