just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
