Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
