dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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