still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
