I wanna bring you to show and tell
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
